I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
