gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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