I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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