Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
