Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
