At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
