My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
