but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
