I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
