Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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