Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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