FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
