cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
