i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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