Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
