picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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