how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
