I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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