What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So apparently I’m into choking now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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