they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
