I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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