wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You're like the curious george of whores
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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