i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
