I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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