We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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