They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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