ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
