i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
