After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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