so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
