fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
