3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
