He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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