glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
