I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
