Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
