Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
