Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
