3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
