loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
