This dress was meant to end up on your floor
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
smell my finger.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
