quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
