Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
