Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
