There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize