Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
