My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
