it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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