Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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