i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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