Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is wine microwaveable?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
