You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
